Happy New Year, and welcome back friends! 2020 – how crazy does that sound?!? I don’t think I’ve ever been more ready for a new year. I know that everyone always seems to say that, but after the past two months, a fresh start was needed. I know it’s been a minute since I’ve blogged. That was never my intent. I had so much content planned for over the Christmas holidays. But, unfortunately, life happens y’all. I’m hoping this blog post can shed some light on what’s been going on in my life, and why I am so ready to see what 2020 has in store!
December is supposed to be a jolly time of year, filled with merriment. But unfortunately, mine wasn’t like that. I remember it being the day before Christmas Eve and I told Ryan how it didn’t even feel like Christmas with everything that had been going on. We hadn’t been to one holiday party or watched one Christmas movie yet. It just didn’t feel like the normal magic in the air at Christmas time. Christmas is my favorite holiday so I felt crushed that it flew by so fast without me being able to fully enjoy it.
I wrote in my November Peaks and Valleys that my grandma had been in and out of the hospital with multiple issues, one being her cancer that was starting to spread after three years. We were unsure of her future but hoped she would at least make it to Christmas. Unfortunately, we didn’t get our wish. My grandma passed away peacefully at her home on December 15, 2019 at the age of 84. Her illnesses had rapidly developed the past two months so we spent lots of time with her at the end, but losing someone is never easy, even if you know it’s coming, especially around the holidays. It was a tragic time of year, and Christmas definitely didn’t feel whole without her there, but it made us appreciate and value the family time we had together so much more.
Shortly before my grandma’s passing, we found out other unfortunate news – my mom may have uterine cancer. I just kept thinking this can’t be real. This CANNOT be happening. I’m the type of person that instantly starts to think of the worst case scenarios, and you can’t even imagine what was going through my head when my mom told me and my sister this news. For her age and the symptoms she was having, the doctor said that this wasn’t normal and that uterine cancer could be a possibility. She went in for an ultrasound and they didn’t see anything. Good news, right?! Well the doctor said that there was a possibility that it wouldn’t show up on an ultrasound, and he recommended doing a D & C, which is a dilation and curettage procedure. My mom had this surgery on December 23. The doctor reported to me and my sister that they didn’t see anything alarming during the procedure, but we are still waiting to get the official test results back. It’s been a long waiting game, and I know we are ready to put this behind us or prepare ourselves for what we need to face.
As you can imagine, I am SO ready for the New Year! Now don’t get me wrong, 2019 was a great year with tons of highs, but those huge lows toward the end of the year put a sour taste in my mouth, and I’m ready to start fresh! After being off for two weeks due to Christmas break, I go back to work tomorrow. I’m dreading it, but I’m also ready to get back into my normal routine. I thrive in a routine so I know it will be good for me! It feels weird going back to work on a Friday, but it’ll be good to get organized, set my work goals, have one more final weekend to get my life together and then start fresh on Monday, January 6. I always feel like the new year REALLY starts the first Monday in January anyway so that works out perfectly. I will officially be off holiday time and back in the swing of things.
There’s just something so special about beginning a new year. Whether 2019 was exciting and filled with high moments, or a difficult one for you, I think you’ve got to embrace the end of one year and the start of another. I know with the new year comes New Year’s resolutions, but I prefer the word “aspirations.” It’s the hope or ambition of achieving something. Sounds more promising, right?! So 2020, my aspiration is to be selfish. Yep, you heard that right. It’s going to be a selfish year for me. I’m going to invest my time on me. It’s going to be all about self care, self love, self worth, self esteem. All about me! I want to be a better person, and if I focus on myself then I will be a better wife, daughter, friend, and worker. It’s going to be my year, and I’m ready for it!
What are your New Year’s aspirations?! 🙂